TK's Korner

Another GREAT Book!

2010-03-06T10:23:00.004-10:00

Eve’s Daughters, by Lynn Austin, is one of the best novels I’ve read. I’d previously read her award winning novel, Candle in the Darkness (which takes place in the South during the civil war), and felt the same way about that! Austin is an excellent Christian author. The stories, themselves are great, but in addition, they always include some characters who set excellent examples as people who try to live according to their Christian beliefs, in spite of their difficult circumstances.

Eve’s Daughters tells the story of four generations of women - their lives and their relationships, but with an underlying message about how our choices affect the lives of others, most especially those who follow us. The story itself is actually a ‘mystery’ which is solved in the end. But on top of that, it’s a story of forgiveness, which not only makes it a mystery which is ‘solved’, but also ‘resolved’.

Reading this book reminds me that Lynn Austin is one of my favorite authors, right up there with another favorite of mine, Karen Kingsbury.

Thought for the Week:

2009-04-02T09:59:00.002-10:00

“. . . salvation is not a cheap experience,” said Elder Jeffrey Holland. “Salvation never was easy. . . . How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him?”

Sunday Morning Radio in Spanish Fork, Utah

2009-02-15T13:32:00.003-10:00

I love that the radio station I listen to, plays ‘church music’ on Sundays. They also have some early morning programs that include talks, like ‘The Spoken Word’ or talks from Firesides and Conference Meetings.

This morning Ed Pinegar and Jeffrey Holland were two of the speakers that I listened to. I was impressed with points made in both talks, and would like to share one point from each.

Brother Pinegar talked on twelve ‘weak areas’ wherein we’re easily led astray. One of them was pornography. He made several points about the subject, but the one that impressed me the most was that which he explained when he told about how he had once mentioned in a meeting how strongly he had felt the spirit. After the meeting a young man came up to him and said, “I didn’t feel the spirit at all” and wondered why, when Brother Pinegar had. He responded by asking the young man if he’d ever been involved in pornography - to which the young man finally answered “yes”, adding that he was having a difficult time getting the images out of his mind. Brother Pinegar then reminded him that the spirit cannot dwell in unholy places.

In Brother Holland’s talk, entitled “Pray for the Children”, he talked about how parents sometimes feel it’s okay - for various reasons - to ‘relax’ in their commitment to church activity and Gospel principles, regardless of their testimonies. He reminded parents that the children would follow their actions and that a ‘deathbed confession’ to their child, wherein they admitted that they really knew all along that the church was true, wouldn’t be near as helpful as a life of righteous example. He talked about examples of a parent who ‘slacked off’, followed by a child who considered himself agnostic, followed eventually by a grandchild or great-grandchild who had never heard of the church, but was ‘searching for something’ - not knowing that his family had once possessed the very thing that he had been looking for.

This was topped off by a re-broadcast on television this afternoon, of the Tabernacle Choir’s program of Spirituals, which featured a cool soloist. So in addition to the snow, Spanish Fork does have some things to offer that I didn’t get in Hawaii!

Thoughts for a November Day:

2008-11-20T06:18:00.002-10:00

Today, I was reading in Matthew 9:15 when I noticed a footnote that referred me to the Joseph Smith Translation, Matthew 9:18-21.

“Then said the Pharisees unto him, Why will ye not receive us with our baptism, seeing we keep the whole law? But Jesus said unto them, Ye keep not the law. If ye had kept the law, ye would have received me, for I am he who gave the law. I receive not you with your baptism, because it profiteth you nothing.”

I was impressed with that last phrase. It seems to underline the Savior’s motivation in all He does. He could have said, ‘because it profiteth ME nothing’, or ‘because you didn’t obey me and I’m getting even’, or ‘because I’m in charge here and I can do whatever I want’, etc., etc. The reason he didn’t accept them was because it would be meaningless to THEM! Therefore, he didn’t want to reinforce a behavior that was worthless to their well-being and eternal progression. He doesn’t make random rules just to show His power. Rather, He uses His power to enable our exaltation.

The Church and Proposition 8

2008-10-26T09:27:00.002-10:00

WHY has the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) become so involved in encouraging the passage of California’s Proposition 8?

I can’t officially speak for the church, but as a life-time member, I’d like to offer some thoughts that might give you some insight into the ‘WHY’. My remarks aren’t meant to win your agreement with the church’s position, but rather to help you understand the WHY. To do so, you will need to understand some basic points of Mormon doctrine:

First, you should know that the Church has officially stated: “The focus of the Church’s involvement is specifically same-sex marriage and its consequences. The Church does not object to rights (already established in California) regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the family or the constitutional rights of churches and their adherents to administer and practice their religion free from government interference.”

Sincere men and women faced with the challenge of same-sex attraction may well ask, “Why would God make marriage to be only between a man and a woman?” The Church offers this explanation: “For divine purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive, and complementary . . . . The unique combination of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional capacities of both males and females were needed to implement the plan of happiness.” And, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." Thus, marriage between two people of the same sex is, by its very nature, limiting.

One must also understand that the church teaches that marriage is meant to be eternal and families are meant to be forever.

It also helps to understand that Mormon doctrine, as well as scripture, speaks not only of ‘heaven’, but of several degrees of glory within that heaven. The Church’s focus tends to be on encouraging people to aspire to the highest degree of the glory, where people have the opportunity to eternally progress in terms of learning, growing, and continuing to work towards one’s potential. In addition, their marriages can be of an eternal nature - as opposed to ‘until death do you part’.

Consequently, eternal marriage, along with the subsequent rights to the powers of procreation (providing mortal bodies for God’s spirit children who are waiting for their turn at mortality), are held in high esteem. They are necessary for the highest degree in the Celestial Kingdom. Anything that detracts from that opportunity is limiting to a person’s progress.

To anyone who believes as Mormons do, it would be selfish and uncaring towards others to agree with government condoning an alternative form of marriage. This is why the church is involved in Proposition 8 - to foster a society wherein people can be open to reaching their highest potential according to our Heavenly Father’s plan. It is not done out of a wish to limit anyone’s personal freedom. To the contrary, by this way of thinking, government validation of anything less, actually takes away freedom, rather than providing it.

Now, consider this analogy: A concerned and loving parent encourages a child to go to college. It is not because people who don’t go to college aren’t as good, or that they could’t possibly be happy without a college degree. People who don't go to college are still of just as much value as those who go to college, and they may also be happy. But that parent wants to assure that the child has as many opportunities as possible for personal growth and to pursue his potential. Not going to college could close doors and limit options. Earthly parents want only the best for their children, as does our Father in Heaven, for us.

But what if - for example - the ‘state’ allowed the selling of college degrees? Would it really be worth anything? Or would it simply deceive a lot of well meaning people into thinking that there’s a viable option to the hard work of going to college - only to find out later that their degree was of limited value (it looks good) but was otherwise meaningless? Additionally, the fact that the state condoned it, could potentially mislead a lot of good people into thinking it was something of value, when they might have otherwise made better choices.

Perhaps there would be no harm in the degree, itself. The harm would be done by the fact that it would take the place of something of greater value.

(For additional information, or to read about some of the legal consequences to society, of legalizing same-sex marriage, check out the following website: http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/the-divine-institiution-of-marriage.)

DEPRESSION

2008-06-01T16:37:00.002-10:00

Not long ago I read another novel by Christian author, Karen Kingsbury: When Joy Came to Stay. The story centered around clinical depression. The main character was a Christian who tended to feel that if she were really a good Christian, she wouldn't be depressed. An underlying theme was the role of forgiving oneself as well as others, in overcoming depression.

Amid the sometimes overwhelming number of ‘coincidences’ and perhaps overly beautiful men and women (but hey, it’s a novel), Kingsbury’s books always include a lot of good messages - even profound thoughts - which is why I continue to keep reading them. But in addition to what I learn directly from her books, this one has helped me to expand my perspective on depression.

I remember a Family Services social worker once saying that depression often stems from expecting too much from oneself. As Christians we’re taught that our goal should be perfection - and we too often take that to mean that we should BE perfect - not just strive towards it. We may grow up with ‘this is how I should be’ and then when we’re unable to meet those expectations, we become depressed. We feel we’ve failed!

But is what we expect of ourselves really what God expects of us?

Kingsbury’s books all carry the underlying message, ‘God has a plan for my life’. When I combine that thought with the social worker’s suggestion that depression comes from expecting too much of oneself, I come up with the possibility that maybe what I expect of myself is not what God expects of me. If that’s the case, then if I fail to live up to MY expectations, maybe it doesn’t matter!

Maybe instead of spending so much time beating myself up for ‘failing’ to meet MY expectations, I only need to seek from HIM, what HE expects from me.

NOTE: Just FYI, it’s been decades since I’ve felt really depressed. Nevertheless, there are times when I let something get to me, and with these thoughts I’m more readily able to handle them.

Quote for the Sabbath Day

2007-10-28T17:44:00.000-10:00

“All of us hope to reach some magical goal
where our job is recognized as well done and
our just rewards will be bestowed upon us.

But especially as Latter-day Saints,
we need to remember that
our goal is eternal progression
and that there is no such end of the journey.

Therefore, if we haven’t enjoyed ourselves

along the way,
we have missed the only joy

there really is.”

- Norma B. Ashton*
as quoted in the book Woman to Woman

. . .

. . .

*Norma B. Ashton is the wife of Marvin J. Ashton and

mother of Steve Ashton, formerly of Hawaii Kai.

MORE BOOKS

2007-09-30T16:44:00.000-10:00

THE PEACEGIVER
by James L. Ferrell

This is another excellent book that I would highly recommend to anyone. But I'd particularly recommend it if you're struggling with putting up with another person's behavior or with feelings that you're being wronged! This is fiction, but with a point - sort of an allegory, I guess.

ONE TUESDAY MORNING and
AFTER TUESDAY MORNING
by Karen Kingsbury

You'd think she would run out of stories, but she often mentions how a story comes to her, or how 'God put it on (her) heart'. This set of two volumes is centered on the September 11th tragedy and the months and years following. Kingsbury says that most of the story had come to her by the afternoon of the 11th! A great (if somewhat fantastic) story, including the follow-up. It could have happened though it seems it would require a great deal of coincidence. But the lessons learned are not unrealistic and are great reminders of the 'big picture' - God's plan and His love.

DIVINE
by Karen Kingsbury

I read this awhile back, but it's well worth mentioning here. It's another one of Kingsbury's excellent novels. The story is about a woman who as a young girl was forced into prostitution, and how hard it was for her to overcome her negative view of herself. But the story reveals how she finally 'conquers' great challenges and is able to help others. Some of Kingsbury's characters are 'bigger than life', but the principles that are highlighted in her stories are real life and valuable and the stories always excellent.

REUNION

2007-07-02T12:25:00.000-10:00

by Karen Kingsbury with Gary Smalley

Reunion is the 5th and final book in the Redemption Series. Like all of the books in this series, it contains several quotes which I particularly liked. Following are a few of them:

o When an adult daughter was on the verge of being overcome by some bad choices she’d made in the past, but decided she needed to change her attitude. “Never mind the mistakes she’d made in the past. God was bigger than all of them . . .”

o The mother had learned from her own mistakes, and resolved to teach her children what she'd learned. She showed them the scripture about fleeing temptation, rather than sticking around to try to bargain with it. “God doesn’t want you to be stronger than temptation. He wants you to be smarter than it.”

o Later, the mother was having a hard time praying that God’s will be done, rather than just begging for what she wanted. She remembered her father's teachings about God's will: “God’s will is a little like taking a Sunday drive with God behind the wheel. God’s driving. He might turn where you don’t expect a turn or go through a valley that feels too dark. But you don’t have to worry about a thing, because you’re just the passenger. Whatever happens, God will get you home in the end as long as you let him drive.”

REJOICE

2007-06-27T20:39:00.000-10:00

by Karen Kingsbury and Gary Smalley

Part of the story line in this novel involves a 3 year-old who falls in a pool and is under water long enough to cause severe brain damage. Her parents, both doctors and both Christians, were already having difficulties and had drifted away from each other and from God. On top of that, Peter, the father, was supposed to have been in charge of his two daughters when the drowning took place. He blamed himself - as did his wife. Eventually, he moved out of the family home and tried to numb his pain by taking opiates (which he had access to as a doctor) in order to function in his medical practice. He becomes addicted and after some time, attempts to end it all by taking an overdose, but survives. His brother-in-law, Ryan, visits him in the rehab center and tries to talk to him.

After listening to Peter, Ryan tells him, “Pain like you’re feeling is part of living. The solution for it will never be found in a bottle of pills.”

Peter, who is really broken at this point, replies, “I don’t know how to do it, Ryan I’ve never hurt like this.”

Ryan then reads to Peter from the 23rd psalm, and says “You’re not supposed to know how. God says he’ll lead the way; he’ll walk beside you through the valley. It doesn’t say he’ll take us on a detour around the valley of the shadow of death. It says he’ll stay beside us while we walk through it.”

Ryan continued: “For you, the valley is this pain you’re feeling. You have to walk through it, to the next place along the road of life. You can’t mask it or run from it. Or even die to escape it, Peter. You have to walk through it, and the only way to do that is with God.”

This little excerpt really struck me - as have many parts of several of Kingsbury’s novels! I almost hesitate to publish this, because my retelling of it doesn’t do it justice. But I’ve loved her books, not just for the interesting stories about people who are really trying to live a Christian life, but for the many ‘illustrations’ of real life types of people who face real life types of problems, but try to solve them by exercising their faith and relying on Christian principles. The illustrations serve as examples and reminders to me, which I seem to sorely need since, though I understand and believe what Christ and the Prophets have taught, I often find it hard to apply. Sometimes I don’t even remember to try - and these novels work as both a reminder and an example to me.

A Father's Day Scripture

2007-06-17T16:24:00.000-10:00

I have long been comforted by this thought, but appropriately enough, just today - on Father's Day - read the scripture in 2 Corinthians, 6:18, wherein Paul quotes the Lord as saying that He "will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord almighty."

Since we don't all grow up in ideal homes (does anybody?), with an ideal father with whom we have a close relationship, I find it comforting to know that we do all have an ideal Father in Heaven who is a perfect 'role model' for us.

'The Mormons'

2007-05-02T06:28:00.000-10:00

What did you think of PBS’s ‘The Mormons’?

I really would like to know the backgrounds of all the people that commented. It was obvious in the cases of the General Authorities and the Church Historian and a few others, like the Black woman who told a bit about her history. Then there were a few that admitted that they’d been excommunicated or were no longer active. There were others that I guessed that was the case for them, also. And that was my biggest concern: that the people who were telling the world about ‘the church’, as though they ‘knew’, were people who obviously (to me*) didn’t really understand, or they wouldn’t have left the church.

I don’t mean that as a ‘put down’ or criticism. Several of them were generally very positive, even expressing sadness in missing their church activity and I sympathized with them. I could even see where they were coming from, according to their own perspectives. I do realize that there are several things that are difficult to understand, and even harder to accept, depending on the circumstances of one’s life. And as one man pointed out, if we’re really true followers of the Savior, their not accepting the church should have no bearing on our accepting them. (And for those of us that would never dream of leaving the church, that very willingness - or lack thereof - to accept those who do, may be our test in life. Our failure to pass it may be far more damning to us than the act of leaving for those that have left! For to not accept anyone, is to judge them without the understanding that only God is in a position to have!) Nevertheless, it just seemed a little sad that those who didn’t seem to understand the church were put in a position to explain it to the world as though they were authorities. I’m guessing that, in a way, it was done on purpose, because if the story had been told only by strong church members, it couldn’t have been considered ‘objective’.

The other thing that seemed a little strange was that they referred several times to the church as though it was a business that had to ‘keep up with the times’ to continue being ‘successful’. It seemed kind of like offering a critique on how God handles things! But then, I realize, not everyone sees it that way, unless they truly believe - as I do - that this is Christ’s church and really not open for criticism in the way that man-made things are (keep in mind, I’m referring to Christ’s organization of his church, not the people who happen to be members!)

On the whole, though, I saw the four hour special as a positive thing. I remember back in the late ‘70s, when we first moved to Hawaii. I heard someone on the radio say something about the church that wasn’t true. I called the mission president, all alarmed and thinking he’d want to do something to correct this grave situation of the world being told an untruth about the church! He laughed and explained that there was no need to worry. He said there are a lot of people brought into the church from hearing such things, that otherwise might not have ever given the church a second thought. It makes them curious enough to investigate whatever ‘shocking’ bit of information they’ve heard, and they end up being baptized.

“The Lord works in mysterious ways, . . .”

* I do understand that understanding the ‘ideals’ of the Gospel and living all of the principles in the reality of one’s circumstances, may be two different things and take more than a lifetime to accomplish. I trust that the Lord understands my limitations and my heart, even if others may not. That’s why it’s important for me to remember that only the Lord has all the facts upon which to judge. He also allows me a lifetime to prepare and improve. If he can be patient with me, I trust he expects me to give others a little space, as well. :)

Migraine ‘First-Aid’

2007-04-22T12:51:00.000-10:00

Suggestions for people faced with migraines:

This is a list of things that I’ve come up with after 40 years of migraines. I keep this on my computer, as I find that when I have a migraine I can’t think clearly enough to remember what works best at each stage. It may or may not work for you, but might be worth trying. (Be sure to consult with your doctor or a pharmacist to ascertain how long you need to wait after each medication before adding another.)

Tension headache > Migraine:
1-2 Excedrin Tension OR >

Serious Migraine:
1 Ex Tension + 1 Ex Migraine OR >
2 Excedrin Migraine for more severe headache

Combination Sinus/Migraine, ADD AS NEEDED:
warm damp cloth over nose/eyes
6,000 mg garlic caps
1-2 probiotic caps
bromelain
Fluticasone nose spray

*cucumber / yogurt drink
Perrier water, room temperature, over a glass full of ice

Severe Migraine, ADD:
½ Butalbital

AS A LAST RESORT > Maxalt (this melts under your tongue, so can be tolerated even when you're too sick to swallow pills) - follow directions carefully, as this is a strong medication.

I’ve also found the following to be foods that I can usually tolerate when I have a migraine, or at least when I’m starting to come down off of it enough to be able to eat:

o Cream of Wheat, with a little plain live culture yogurt and/or milk (NO sugar!)
o Vegetable broth (no salt)
o Sour dough toast (no butter)
o Buttermilk

If I’m not too sick to do it, it also helps me to walk a little after I take the meds. It seems that this gets my circulation going enough to get the meds into my system and working. I believe it also helps to flush them out when they’re no longer needed which helps to avoid a ‘hangover’ from all the meds.

I try not to take medication unless I feel like I really have to, but as most migraine sufferers know, if you wait too long the migraine progresses to a point where you get too nauseated to take anything. So, it’s a delicate balance and a risk either way, due to the side-effects (over time) of medication.

After about 30 years, it seemed that my migraines started to leave me with a sinus-type of headache after the severe migraine pain left, which wasn’t helped by pain meds. About 5 years after that, most all of my migraines seemed to start as combination migraine/sinus headache. I had the feeling that it was kind of like an allergic reaction to all the migraine meds.

I’ve recently come to the conclusion (from both reading and trying candidiasis remedies) that the sinus headache, if not the entire migraine, is related to candidiasis. I won’t go into a discussion of candida here, but you can look it up on the internet (I may post a simple explanation later.) Hint: If you’ve ever had antibiotics, steroids, or oral birth control pills, and crave sweets and/or simple carbs, you’re a likely candidate.

Please feel free to comment, sharing what works for YOU. I think we’re all open to ideas!

*Cucumber/Yogurt drink: Liquefy in blender ½ c. chopped, peeled cucumber; 1/3 cup plain live culture yogurt, 1/3 cup milk; 12 fresh mint leaves; squeeze of fresh lime juice. Pour over a glass full of ice cubes.

Another Good Book

2007-04-16T21:31:00.000-10:00

For One More Day by Mitch Albom

I loved this book. I’d both read and watched the video’s of two of his other popular books, Tuesdays with Morrie and The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Both are very good but in my opinion, this one surpasses them by far. To sum it up simply, I guess I’d call it a book about life, parents, marriage, and forgiveness of self and others. I particularly enjoyed it because it was written from a man’s point of view. But I could probably make a long list of all the other things I especially liked about it, too.

There were several statements in the book that I found quotable, but my favorite was the following. The main character is telling about his parents’ divorce and the effect it had on him. He had mentioned how his mother was so loving and always supported him in spite of his behavior, but how nevertheless, he ‘followed’ after his father who didn’t treat him very good. He said, “You see, here’s my theory: Kids chase the love that eludes them, and for me, that was my father’s love. He kept it tucked away, like papers in a briefcase. And I kept trying to get in there.”

I particularly noted this because I’d observed it in my own life, regarding my own father from whom I never felt love or acceptance.* Since I was never at all close to him and often found things he did, irritating, I often wondered why I would end up doing a lot of those same things, myself - when I got older. I finally came up with the conclusion expressed in the quote. Just to clarify with an example: My father used to talk incessantly, which irritated everyone to no end! Hm-m-m – do we know anyone else that does that? :)

Bottom line is, I thought it was really a great book, from a lot of perspectives. I felt there were a lot of profound statements in it about real life. But at the same time - and this is the really interesting part that I won't explain, because I don't want to spoil it for you - it had a lot of 'not-real-life' in it too - which created some intrigue. And there is also a bit of a surprise at the end. It was a relatively short book - which seems to be Albom's style - and certainly makes it worth the investment of the little bit of time it takes to read it!

* Note the words 'I' and 'felt' - I admit that I don't know that that's how he felt or what he meant to convey!

Easter Experience

2007-04-08T13:42:00.000-10:00

Though I didn't plan it this way, I thought it was kind of appropriate that I just happened to have finished reading the four Gospels, or to be more accurate, the four Testimonies of, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. I read the last two chapters of John this morning - the chapters that speak of the empty tomb, the resurrection, and Christ's appearances to many of his disciples. It was so cool. And it was made additionally so, to me, because of another book I've recently read which added immensely to my understanding and appreciation of the New Testament.

About a week ago I finished reading the three volumes of the Kingdom and the Crown series, by Gerald Lund. (I generally read at least one chapter from the scriptures every day, but am often reading another book at the same time.) Lund's novel centers around a fictitious family, but is staged against the historical background of Christ's ministry on earth. Lund doesn't change any of the known facts; only fills in the 'blanks' with real life possibilities in terms of the story and accurate information regarding the geography and culture at the time of Christ. He does all of this in the form of a most intriguing novel which is really enjoyable to read and at the same time, a tremendous help in understanding better the teachings and life of Christ.

The value of any good book is what you learn from it and/or how it makes you feel. To me, the biggest 'pay-off' when reading the scriptures is being able to feel the spirit as I read, which helps me to keep other things in perspective. Learning and understanding follow that. I once heard someone say they prefer to do their daily scripture reading early in the morning because it sets the mood for their day. I've found that to be true, so I try to fit it in as early as I can, often while eating a meal.

I had similar experiences when reading The Kingdom and the Crown. Many times I was reading through my tears because I felt the spirit so strongly. The book greatly increased my understanding of the scriptures and therefore increases my enjoyment of reading the scriptures. In addition, the novel is really enjoyable and intriguing reading. I would strongly recommend it to anyone interested in learning about the Savior's life, regardless of religious orientation - or even if only interested from a historical perspective.

I'm anxious now to continue on with my reading of the New Testament.

Mitral Valve Prolapse & Transverse Myelitis: Part IV - Where I am Now

2007-03-21T17:53:00.000-10:00

So this is where I’ve been: struggling to rebuild my strength enough that I can walk, so that I can rebuild my endurance enough that I can return to being a contributing member of society. People on the TM Internet Club often joke about the often-heard comment ‘but you look normal!’ It’s frustrating, because as you improve, people think if you can stand up and look okay, then your problems are solved. They can’t see the nerve damage (much of which I haven’t even bothered to describe – but trust me – there’s a lot of nerves below T6 – T8 which control a lot of bodily functions that a normal person takes for granted!) It’s very frustrating to have people judge you by what they see, and assume you should be able to do more than you can – especially when they only see you on the days when you feel good enough to get cleaned up and go out! Which is why I wrote this blog in the first place: I’m tired of being misunderstood! (No . . . not because I wanted sympathy!)

And where am I now? I guess that depends on how I’m feeling on the day that I try to answer that question. If I look at where I’ve been, I’d have to say, I’m doing great! If I look at where I need to be, in order to go back to work, I’ve got a ways to go. 'On a good' day, I can get up, get cleaned up, do what I need to do, and then say, ‘Okay, what shall I do now?” I’m alive! I almost feel like a regular person! Sure, I will still limp and have to move more slowly so I don’t lose my balance. But I can function. I just have to remind myself to rest now and then during the day, or it won’t stay ‘good’. So it’s not totally ‘normal’, but still ‘good’! I could probably function in a part-time job on a day like that – if only I could be sure of having enough good days in each week to hold down a job.

On a bad day, my only choices are breathing, resting, and eating, in that order. I’m just kind of ‘spaced’, can’t think straight, and am totally dysfunctional. On those days I try to tell myself that my body is actually healing while I’m resting. (I hate to think of it as just wasting time!) I plan carefully when walking from one room to another, because each trip requires a major expenditure of energy, and I’m very limited on those days. In the last week, for example, there were five days in a row which basically fit into this category. I had the energy to shower and get dressed on only three of those days.

The rest of the days fall somewhere in between: I can force myself to do at least one chore (like wash the dishes); sometimes once I get going, I feel better and can do quite a bit more. And the ‘okay days’ are more often getting to be better. Still, on an ‘okay day’, it would be a little scary if I had to get up and go to work, but I think I could force myself to do it. On a ‘bad day’ it would be impossible! The real problem would be when the ‘okay days’ started turning bad from forcing myself too much! So there’s a lot of frustration. Fortunately, I’d already learned from MVP how physical things can affect my mental outlook – and vice versa – and am usually able to overcome the temptation to get depressed over it.

The good news is that the ‘good’, and ‘okay’ days seem to be improving. The bad news is that the progress isn’t consistent, so it’s not like I can say, ‘Okay, I feel pretty good this week; by next week I should be able to go back to work.’ It’s been more like ‘two steps forward – one step backwards’. That can be pretty discouraging until I look back and see how much better I am than I used to be. So I must be making progress. And I also have at least some feeling in a lot more places, than I used to. Sometimes it means more pain, but as my shiatsu therapist keeps reminding me, ‘pain is good’! I think you have to have been totally numb for a period of time, to really appreciate that, but in my case, yes, I do appreciate it! Feeling anything, even pain, means that the nerves aren’t dead – only damaged. That means there’s hope for at least partial healing. And the ‘pain’ I deal with is nothing compared to what a lot of TM people have.

So I really shouldn’t be complaining. Actually, it’s been a blessing! Well, maybe not one I would have asked for, but nevertheless, I know I’ve learned a lot that I needed to learn, that I might not have learned any other way. All the other things that I've been given an opportunity to learn, with this condition, could be a whole post by itself, so I won't go into it here. But I do want to express my gratitude for a Father in Heaven that allows us to suffer in order to grow and learn. And express my faith that the ‘end will be better than the beginning’ – maybe not necessarily in my condition, but for sure, in my understanding and in a lot of other things that are really more important. Thank You, Father.

Choices:

2007-03-16T13:29:00.000-10:00

CHOICES

That there are ‘good choices’ and ‘bad choices’ in life
Is no secret.
A slightly more subtle fact, is that often times
The ‘bad’ in the bad choices
Lies not merely in the nature of that thing,
But in the fact that it prevents one from enjoying the rewards
Of a better choice.

Is this not why the Lord has called sin, “sin”,
And referred to it as ‘damning’?
He wants for us the best,
And when we make bad choices,
We are cutting ourselves off from enjoying the rewards
Of a better choice . . .
Thereby ‘damming’ ourselves,
Just as surely as a dam stops the continued flow of water.

The dictionary may spell it differently,
But for all practical purposes
It really amounts to the same thing,
Doesn’t it?

Mitral Valve Prolapse and Transverse Myelitis: Part III

2007-03-03T11:34:00.000-10:00

What is TM and How Does it Affect the Nervous System?

Transverse Myelitis (TM) is a condition caused by inflammation of the myelin (the insulation covering the nerves) in the spinal cord. Wherever the lesion is located on the spine, all of the nerves below that point may be affected (either permanently or temporarily, which is why healing with TM can be either full, partial, or non-existent). I’m fortunate in that my lesion is at T6 –T8. For many people, it’s higher and their arms and even lungs are affected. They can become quadriplegics and can’t even breathe without a respirator. TM has been compared to multiple sclerosis (MS), except that MS lesions can be in the brain, whereas TM is only on the spinal cord. TM is generally thought to be a one-time occurrence, while MS involves multiple lesions. The ‘transverse’ part refers to ‘across the spinal cord’. I’m also lucky here. Only one side was totally paralyzed; the other side had (has) only minimal numbness. I’ve been said to have a ‘light case’.

That said, what’s my problem? I seemed to be healing pretty well, and then after about 9 months, it started to slow down, and even regress. I became concerned and pushed myself even harder to exercise, which only made it worse. I started to notice that some of my biggest problems were similar to the ANS dysfunction of MVP, but only now they were exaggerated! (That was enough to panic me!) I read more about the little that’s known about TM – another condition that doctors don’t know much about but in this case, not because it’s not serious but because few doctors have seen very many cases. It’s considered ‘not rare, but unusual’. I was really lucky that the ER neurologist recognized it and began the proper treatment – 5,000 mg of methyl-prednisone over 5 days – which needed to be started within 12 hours of onset to prevent permanent damage.

Well, guess what? One of the side effects of TM is – you guessed it – ANS dysfunction! Just what I needed: a double whammy! As a matter of fact, this is how Johns Hopkins Hospital’s Dr. Douglas Kerr, one of the chief researchers of TM, defines the condition: “Acute transverse myelitis . . . is a focal inflammatory disorder of the spinal cord resulting in motor, sensory and autonomic dysfunction.” And fatigue, along with a myriad of other things, is listed among the common symptoms of TM.

Only now, the ‘walking for exercise’ thing couldn't be applied because I couldn't walk – and when I finally could, it was too slow to be considered ‘exercise’. Any kind of walking created so much tension that it soon built up and turned to migraine (remember how with ANS dysfunction, built up tension is more likely to get ‘stuck’ there). Migraines are such a pain (pardon the pun) not only because of the pain and nausea, but because of the days of my life that get lost before I can fully recover from each serious migraine. I need exercise to improve but too much, builds up more tension which . . . (are you starting to get the picture here?) In addition, I needed to walk to help re-build my bone density, which had been royally zapped by the 5000 mg of steroids used to arrest the inflammation!

Watch for Part IV, the Conclusion, to read about what I've done and where I am now.

(That's if you still want to go on, after all this reading! That's why it's in 4 parts - not because I'm trying to leave you in 'suspense', but the whole story's kinda long. If you've followed it thus far, I'm impressed. If no one has, it doesn't matter. I've put it on paper for my own satisfaction. And if anyone asks, I don't have to try to explain it - again. That way, if they're just asking to be polite, I won't have to bore them. If they really want to know, they can read it. :)

MITRAL VALVE PROLAPSE and TRANSVERSE MYELITIS: Part II

2007-02-24T11:56:00.000-10:00

What is MVP and How Does it Affect the Nervous System?

Mitral Valve Prolapse (MVP) is a condition wherein the mitral valve of the heart is prolapsed (slightly deformed so that when the valve closes, it doesn’t completely seal off the chamber – blood can seep back into the previous chamber.) It’s seldom serious – at least, not in terms of life or death. I think the statistics say only about 1 in 1,000 need surgery – maybe even less than that. The rest of us just have to put up with irritating and quirky symptoms, which are many. They’re different in different people, and not always present at any given time in any one person, thus making it difficult to diagnose. And the fact that it’s not really serious prevents many physicians from paying much attention to it – another reason that it often goes undiagnosed. Lyn Frederickson, MSN, cardiac nurse, and director of the first Mitral Valve Prolapse Center in the world, sums it up well when she describes MVP as “not life threatening, but life-style threatening.”

Most of the symptoms are actually caused by dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system (ANS). The last time I checked, the theory was that the ANS was forming at the same time as the mitral valve, so both were affected. The basic function of the ANS is to keep a balance: bring you down after a high (like meeting an emergency; fleeing from danger); bring you up to where you can function after a low (like relaxing; sleeping). The symptoms range from fatigue, chest pain, and shortness of breath, to migraine, anxiety, and panic attacks – there’s about 30 symptoms, some opposite from the others! That may not seem to make sense – unless you remember that the job of the ANS is to keep a balance. Therefore, if it’s not functioning properly, the extremes will rule! This, of course, makes it even harder to diagnose – it’s not a simple set of symptoms peculiar to only this condition. Many people are never diagnosed. It’s estimated that MVP affects from 10% to 20% of the population. More women than men are diagnosed, but that’s likely only because they’re the ones that are going to notice more frequent symptoms because they’re the ones whose hormones regularly take them up and down, thus requiring a system that keeps them on an even keel. MVP is hereditary, but like many conditions, some people may be more sensitive than others, to actually having difficulties with it.

As already stated in Part I, there's no cure; just learning how best to deal with it. If you even think you might have MVP, it's worth checking it out. Basically, the things you need to do to live with the symptoms are the same things as you would do to live a more healthy life-style. In spite of all their complaints, they say that people with MVP are often the healthiest people around, because their systems just can't tolerate abuse without over-reacting, thus forcing them to live a more healthy lifestyle. That's opposed to other members of the population who can ignore general health principles and seem to flourish - that is until it all catches up with them and it's too late to change - their health has been permanently compromised. So, as irritating as the quirky symptoms may be, there's actually an upside to this 'affliction'. It's just hard to remember that sometimes!

NEXT: Part III, What is TM and How Does it Affect the Nervous System? This is the element that created the Double Whammy!

MITRAL VALVE PROLAPSE and TRANSVERSE MYELITIS: A Double Whammy! Part I

2007-02-18T20:18:00.000-10:00

I feel like I’ve gone through most of my life with my hands tied. When I finally learned to untie my hands so that I could function more normally, someone managed to shackle my feet!

I was 50 years old before I was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse (MVP). Before that, everyone told me that there was nothing wrong with me. Somehow, my body told me differently. I was either stuck in ‘high gear’ and couldn’t come down until I finally crashed (that usually meant migraines) or I would get stuck in ‘low gear’ and could barely move; I felt lethargic, and had a hard time getting out of it. When I would finally get a good day, I’d try to make up for lost time, and end up doing too much, causing me to ‘crash’ again. And by the time I was a young mother, the good days came only once in 8 or 10 days – maybe. I think that’s when I really perfected the habit of pushing myself and refusing to listen to my body. At the same time, there were people trying to tell me that there was nothing wrong with me, basically implying – if not openly saying – that I was either ‘lazy or crazy’. It was harder to refuse to listen to them.

That’s when things started getting more serious, because all that criticism only created really fertile ground for depression! I was fortunate enough, though, through the years, to run across various things that helped: general Gospel principals (without them, I would have been suicidal), and specific Priesthood blessings (which led me to discover and utilize things like positive attitude, exercise, and nutrition). I began to develop the belief that I have now, that many things (like depression) that are considered mental, often also have a physical side. Then when I was finally diagnosed with MVP, I not only found out that there were many others who suffered the same symptoms that I had, but had also suffered similar criticism and ridicule before finally finding a doctor able to diagnose their condition.

My new knowledge didn’t change my condition – there’s no cure for it. But it helped me to finally realize that my body hadn’t been lying to me, and that I should have been listening to it instead of to the people who didn’t know! Reading all the MVP literature I could find (it was pretty sparse then) also helped me to see more clearly that, though there are no ‘cures’, there are ways to handle the fatigue and stress and constantly fluctuating ‘ups and downs’ as well as other symptoms. One of the biggest helps to controlling my energy level as well as my migraines, was exercise. (For me, that meant walking, since I don’t consider myself coordinated enough to do much else :) Limiting sugar and eating more complex carbohydrates (like whole grains and vegetables) was another thing that helped. It wasn’t easy, but if I watched the sugar, ate plenty of vegetables, walked several times a week, and drank plenty of water, I could live almost like normal. (Of course, it’s not ‘normal’ to live like that – it still made me different from everybody else – but at least now I was feeling good while I was being different! :)

And then, Transverse Myelitis (TM) hit me! I was paralyzed from the rib cage down on my right side, and had no feeling in the skin on my left side. How was I to walk? If exercise was what helped me to function normally with MVP, what would happen now?

And what exactly are MVP and TM and how do they affect the nervous system?

(to be continued)

“Great Peace Shall They Have . . . Nothing Shall Offend Them”

2006-10-01T13:41:00.000-10:00

Psalms 119:165

I just finished listening to the Sunday morning session of Conference – President Hinckley’s talk. As he spoke, I was reminded of a question I’ve heard recently, as to whether or not President Hinckley is really a prophet of God if he can’t give more specific direction to those with specific challenges?

And if he really is a prophet, what's the point, if he can't give all the answers?

Before I go any further, let me explain why I’m writing this post. The questions were asked by someone for whom I have the greatest respect. So I want to point out that I’m not writing this in criticism of him for questioning. But rather, I know from my own experience that often, when I’ve learned something that I’ve needed to know – when I finally ‘got it’ – I’ve said, ‘why didn’t someone tell me?’ And then I remembered; someone did tell me, but I wasn’t ready to hear it then. So I know that sometimes you just have to be ready to hear. Everyone has to work in their own time and move at their own pace. I firmly believe that how long it takes isn’t as important as the direction we’re going in. And I respect this person for his efforts to go in the right direction, so I repeat, this isn’t meant in criticism, but rather to offer some ideas that might at some point be helpful. And if not that, then maybe I’m just fulfilling my own need to empty my head by expressing my thoughts!

I know, also, that it’s hard to see the forest for the trees, and that the person who can point out the forest is able to do so, not because he’s smarter, but because he happens to be standing outside of the forest, and therefore has a better opportunity to see it in perspective. But then, being on the outside, he’s less familiar with what the particular trees in that forest look like, so he might not really be in a position to be pointing things out to the person that is in there. So while the temptation is to say, ‘here, look at this – can’t you see?’ it seemed better to just put my thoughts on my blog, and let whomever wants to, read it, and take it however it fits for them – if at all.

Now that I’ve explained that, back to my thoughts: I noticed how the prophet started out by talking about people’s speculations about his age and health, the implication being that they might be wondering if he’s going to die anytime soon and someone else be called to his position. He made it clear that he has no idea what the Lord has in mind for him! This implied to me that even though he’s a Prophet of the Lord, apparently, that doesn’t mean that he is told everything.

It kind of reminded me of a friend who used to tell me that the Lord always blessed her financially, whenever she needed it. She said there were several times when she didn’t know where the money she needed was going to come from, but at the last minute, the Lord always provided what she needed. Then she said, grinning with feigned disappointment, that although it was always enough, there was never anything extra!

I thought of that comment in connection with the Prophet’s words. Apparently, the Lord gives him what is needed, but doesn't neccesarily tell him everything. And as to specific direction for specific problems, perhaps the Lord would rather handle that on an individual basis, conserving the Prophet’s time for what he needs to do to guide the church. At least, that’s the picture I was getting.

Isn’t that the way the Lord has always worked? The scriptures give lots of direction which we can apply to our own lives, but it’s our job to take that information and use our mental capacities to figure out how to apply it to our own lives, and then take it to the Lord for confirmation. And aren’t the words of the Prophet equal to scripture?

I think what really bothered me the most though, was that the questions regarding the Prophet were clouded in anger, and I wondered where it was coming from.

Maybe this person's real question should have been what – or who – am I really angry at?

From where I’m standing, I think he has some legitimate reasons to be angry – but I can’t help but wonder if he’s not been misdirecting that anger?

And I’m wondering if it’s ever possible to resolve misdirected anger.

Book Discoveries

2006-09-17T02:41:00.000-10:00

It just occurred to me that since I was injured in May of 2005 (and unable to work and need to rest frequently), I’ve read about 40 books! Twenty-three of them were parts of three different series:

The Work and the Glory by Gerald Lund

The Mitford Series by Jan Karon

The Number One Ladies’ Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith

In addition, I’ve discovered what I call ‘the Christian novel’ and found some fantastic authors! They're not connected to any particular denomination. The stories include characters who struggle to apply Christian principles to resolve the problems in their lives. But at the same time, these books all have intriguing plots that aren’t about ‘religion’. I liked them because they're interesting, uplifting, and well written. Just to give you an idea, some of them were 500 - 600 pages long, but the kind that you can't put down. I read several of them in just 2 or 3 days - and I don't consider myself a fast reader.

In case you’re interested, I’ve made a list of some of my favorites. (With only one exception, they are all of the category I just described.) My very favorites* are starred.

By Lynn Austin:
Candle in the Darkness* (civil war)

Wings of Refuge* (an archeological dig in Israel)

By Elizabeth Berg:
The Art of Mending* (family relationships)

By Liz Curtis Higgs:
Bookends (contemporary romance)

Mixed Signals (contemporary romance)
Thorn in My Heart* (based on Biblical story of Jacob)

Fair is the Rose* (same as above)
Whence Came a Prince* (same as above)

Grace in My Eyes* (sequel to above; based on Biblical story of Dinah)

By Francine Rivers:
Leota’s Garden* (family relationships)
The Scarlet Thread (saving a marriage)
Redeeming Love* (story of a prostitute; based on Book of Hosea)

"Why Me, Lord?"

2006-07-31T15:40:00.000-10:00

Come, My Little Angel, by Diane Noble, is a novella about a very faith-full and positive little girl growing up in a large, poor family. She writes a play and plans with her friends to produce it for the whole town (about 500 people). As if that weren’t a big enough endeavor for a 10 year old, she plans to sell tickets to her play to raise money for lumber so that their fathers can build a church for the small town. But her main motive through all of this is to bring back the joy she remembered seeing in her mother when she was younger – before the death of one of her siblings. Her mother had stopped singing and praying – and believing – when her prayers were not answered for her sick infant to live. Through this sad experience, she had not only lost all hope for life, but was determined to 'protect' her children from ever being hurt by teaching them to NOT believe!

This is a conversation between mother, Abigail, and her 10 year old daughter, Daisy. Daisy’s example of not letting go of her faith and dreams had been an example to her mother. But only when circumstances that Daisy couldn’t control, made her plans begin to seem hopeless, did Abigail really see the error of her faithless example. Now she wanted to correct her mistake and bring Daisy out of her depression by teaching her that all was not lost, even though things didn’t go as she had planned and worked for. Abigail continues to speak to her daughter, even though at first Daisy refuses to be comforted:

“And there’s something else I found about dreams and hope.”
Daisy leaned forward, a spark of interest showing in her eyes.
Abigail smiled. “It’s maybe the most important thing of all.”
“What is it?” Daisy finally asked.
“When those impossible dreams finally do come true, the hole in your heart carved by sorrow will cause you to fill with more joy than you can imagine.”

This really struck me when I read it, because it reminded me of something that I, myself, experienced - many years ago, through a situation too personal to share. Perhaps it’s a key to the answer to that age-old question regarding suffering: “Why me, Lord?”

“Oh No! My Life is Ruined!”

2006-07-05T10:41:00.000-10:00

As a teenager, I once chose to do a paper on Sigmund Freud for a writing assignment. If I had to roll up into one sentence all that I had learned from my research, it was this – that my life was ruined because I had an unhappy family! (Keep in mind that most teens, at some point, think that they have terrible parents and are treated unfairly, anyway.) Unfortunately, as I grew older I was able to add enough things to the list of negative factors in my life, that I became convinced that my experiences had condemned me to be an unhappy and unlovable person. I would fight it with my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but how could I possibly overturn it, considering my past?

As I matured, I began to understand how my attitude was setting me up to make the choices that would allow my ‘unhappy life’ to continue in that direction. But I also began to notice – through many little things, but especially through one major blessed situation, in particular – how positive things in the present could, indeed, make the past unimportant and of no consequence, in spite of Sigmund Freud’s assertions! I realized how hope and faith in God, though it could never change the past, could ‘lift’ one above the 'condemnation' of past experiences, to a higher level, where the present could be totally independent from what had happened in the past. On those occasions, it was like the past no longer had any power to influence the present - like it no longer mattered!

To add to my understanding, I recently read some novels which seemed to emphasize, through the lives of the characters (who had experienced some pretty negative things) how faith and forgiveness and steadfastness in trusting in the Lord could bring joy in the end, in spite of the ‘beginning’. Yes, it was fiction, but the principles that were illustrated were not! They seemed to trigger thinking on my part, which added to my more recent perspective about how the past might not necessarily have the power to influence the present.

I awoke this morning with this thought, which struck me more clearly than ever before:

THE PAST IS GONE, AND THEREFORE IS TOTALLY UNIMPORTANT, except to the extent that we allow it to influence the present.

This makes sense to me, even when held up against other principles. It explains how God can totally forgive us when we repent, no matter what terrible things we have done in the past, in spite of his warnings to never do those things. He gives us those warnings because he understands how what we do, can influence our future and the direction we take. It also explains why we should forgive ourselves. If we repent and change direction, then that voids that negative consequence of that action, because it no longer affects our present direction!

As further supportive evidence of the truth of this statement, consider this: Think of the worst thing you ever did, or the worst experience you ever had. How does it make you feel? Now think of the best experience you have ever had. How does that make you feel? Can you focus on both thoughts at the same time? Can you see that it’s really not what happened in the past that makes you feel good or bad, but rather, it’s your thoughts of those things? You can even think of that worst experience, and view it from the point of what you learned from it; what positive thing came out of it, and it will change the feeling you get. Modern psychology tends to focus more on these things, rather than accept as it once did, Freud’s earlier, more negative conclusions. Freud made significant contributions to psychological thought, but he was not the end all, be all that I, as a 13 year old girl, had been influenced to think he was!

It is my (more mature) opinion that God is God because he is the “most intelligent of them all” (see Abraham3:19). Man is capable of making great scientific discoveries, but as time goes on, we make more discoveries that slightly alter the perspective of what we’ve already learned. I believe all that God tells us - and tells us to do - is based on eternal truths that, if we studied every aspect of scientific law in the universe, we would eventually come to understand. In the meantime, I’m becoming more and more convinced that just following his commandments, whether or not we understand them – regardless of current scientific opinion – will save us a lot of unhappiness.

Freud was right – the family you grow up in does have a lot of influence on your happiness. But it’s not the determining factor, because forgiveness (of ourselves and of others), repentance, and trust in God, ultimately works with that factor to alter its consequence, according to our faith and obedience – or lack thereof.

Are Rules Only for Children?

2006-01-29T04:54:00.000-10:00

Yes? . . . no? . . . maybe so?

I’ve realized lately the extreme extent to which I’ve become a victim of the rules! But not even just of rules, in general, so much as I’ve become a victim of my ‘own rules’! I’ve taken regulations that were meant to be guidelines, and exalted them to the level that they sometimes replace the principles which they were meant to support! (Hm-m-m? Sounds familiar. Anyone read the New Testament lately?)

I think that, as a child, I must have sometime vowed, “I’ll never break the rules”! Well, yes, that could be admirable, but then again, it can be taken to a ridiculous extent. As an adult, I should have grown past the childish rules as I developed the power of discernment. For example, I’m sure I was once told to never go in the street. Well, now as an adult, I use my own judgment in discerning whether or not it’s okay to ‘go in the street’, and no longer take that as a set-in-stone rule, as it is for a child. But in too many other things, I apparently never matured, perhaps unconsciously refusing to take the responsibility, and therefore remaining a child in those things.

In thinking about the idea that maybe I get too caught up in the “rules” and overlook the real issues, I recalled that some of the most Christ-like people I know are NOT strict rule observers! They’re not exactly disrespectful of law and order; just that they seem to not spend so much time worrying about following protocol, as I sometimes do.

I thought about how we teach children simple rules for their protection and guidance, because they’re not equipped to understand the reasoning that would help them to live merely by common sense and self-discipline. Similarly, I recalled Moses and the Ten Commandments and the forty years in the desert, and how we’re told that the Israelites weren’t ready for higher laws, so they had to live by simple rules and everything had to be spelled out for them. I even remember the days when if you taught a Sunday School class, the manual would almost tell you every word to say. Now the manuals talk about basic principles, refer you to scriptures, and tell you to pray about which of the stories, examples, scriptures, etc., to use to best meet the needs of your class, in teaching that specific principle.

Along the same line, I remember a Music Theory teacher I had in high school. He responded to questions about all the exceptions to the rules of music composition, by agreeing that there are, indeed, many exceptions to the rules that he was making us learn. But then he explained, “You have to know all the rules before you can know which ones you can break.” I always thought that was good advice to be applied to life in general. (But then I forgot to apply it.)

Now don’t misunderstand me. I’m not suggesting that this gives us license to break rules. But I am starting to see that maybe I need to back off a little and remember that, generally speaking, the ‘rules’ are given for guidelines. When the Savior was asked which were the most important commandments, he didn’t go into a long lecture listing myriads of rules. He focused on the two most important principles, and trusted people to make their own decisions based on those principles. He even explained that if those commandments were kept, there wouldn’t be a need for all the others (because if you lived within the spirit of that law, you would automatically make good choices, without having to have everything spelled out for you!) During his ministry, he was often criticized by the Pharisees for ‘breaking the rules’, to which he often pointed out what amounted to the need to use common sense and recognize priorities. He put things into perspective.

So along with my resolve to turn more frequently to the Savior, maybe I need to also follow more closely his example and advice. I need to pay attention to the rules, but at the same time, I need to focus on eventually learning to live by the principles, rather than by the ‘letter of the law’. Maybe it’s time I grew up a little more. ‘When I was a child . . . I understood as a child . . . , but when I became [an adult]’ – maybe it’s time to take the risk of making my own decisions, based on the principles. It all kind of reminds me of that saying that there are three levels of obedience: doing things out of fear, doing things out of duty, and doing things out of love! Same idea – we progress as we mature in our understanding.

Yes, I still believe in ‘following the rules’. It’s just that I’m becoming conscious of the fact that if rules can be defined as guidelines, then the need to follow them should be determined by how badly I want to go to the place to which they’re ‘guiding’ me. For example, if I want to get good grades, I need to study and do the work. If I want a clean house, I have to make my bed, vacuum, and clean the toilet on a regular basis. You get the picture.

The confusion – and the stress – arises when I realize that some of the many things that I ‘want’, have conflicting rules – or maybe it’s more often just that they all add up to be too big a set of rules to be humanly possible to deal with! Then I have to prioritize, and drop some of the rules associated with the less important or less urgent goals.

Sometimes I may even need to break a rule, in order to obey the more important commandments. After all, isn’t that what our father, Adam, did when he was informed by Eve that she had eaten of the Forbidden Fruit?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

2006-01-27T21:30:00.000-10:00

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness"

I just read this, and thought it worthy of being shared.

It's from Jan Karon's Light from Heaven, the final book in her Mitford Series.

Beautiful Hawaii

2006-01-26T18:36:00.000-10:00

I had such a nice afternoon! It was pouring rain – enough that my back yard nearly flooded! But I still kept the appointment I had made for transportation to Ko’Olina (Beach Resort) to walk in the sand (to strengthen my recently injured leg muscles), hoping that the sky would clear.

It had started to clear, but poured again just as my ride came, influencing me to take a jacket, in addition to the sweatshirt I’d already put in my bag! But by the time I got there, it had stopped, so I took off my shoes, put my bag and shoes on a lounge chair out on the sand, and proceeded to walk in the sand, dipping my feet in the ocean water every now and then.

I was feeling pretty tired after about 25 minutes, so I decided to rest awhile and read my book. It was so sunny, I had already had to put my sun glasses on to be able to walk. Sitting on the beach, reading, the sun was glaring into my face, and I was getting quite hot! So, though I really wanted to walk more, I followed the prompting to rinse my feet in the shower, put my shoes back on, and head for a shady place to read. No sooner had I done so than it started to rain hard enough that I had to get out my umbrella before I reached the building.

First, I looked around in the little gift shop (with no intention to buy), but as had often happened before in this particular shop, I found a few little things that I really wanted, both for myself and for gifts, that were really reasonable. I bought myself an orange and a banana, for which I'd been hungry. I also found a mouse pad (for which I’ve been looking for about two years). It was in yellow, orange, and green – a beautiful painting of a bird of paradise – just what I’d wanted, so I treated myself (something I don't often do).

After eating my orange, I went upstairs (I was at the beautiful Ko’Olina timeshare apartments) and read in the open air foyer, lounging on a rattan chaise lounge with huge fabric cushions, until my ride arrived to take me home. It was just cool enough that I’d put on my sweatshirt, and was feeling quite cozy. Sitting up there, where I could see the ocean and all the lovely surroundings, with the ocean breeze blowing gently on me as I read, was heavenly. I kept stopping my reading just to marvel at it – and to fight off the urge to feel guilty for being there when, had it not been for my injury, I should have been at work! The only thing missing was someone to share it with.

‘Wish you could have been there! (Ooh! Can you just feel that ocean breeze? Look at the ocean! It’s so beautiful here! . . . Thank you Father, for allowing me to live here!)

Move Over, Columbus!

2006-01-22T20:14:00.000-10:00

No discovery ever made by any explorer, will ever have as much impact on us as the ones we make ourselves.

Maybe this is why I'm convinced that

we all need to give each other some space –

even if it’s only so we can make our own mistakes. How else will we have the room to make our own discoveries.

Revealing Conversation

2006-01-19T12:30:00.000-10:00

I recently had a conversation with a friend, wherein dating and marriage came up. (Women talk about these things.) And as is my habit, I often dwell on a conversation, after the fact, going over it in my mind, elaborating in an effort to make myself more clear. On this occasion, in my mind I was explaining to this friend why it would not be logical for me to consider marrying someone not of my faith. The point I was trying to make was simply that it can be hard for people with different lifestyles to live together. I was using, for an example, the few months she and I had shared an apartment when she had recently finished her doctorate, I was just finishing up my master's, and we were both in the process of each looking for a house to buy.

She’s a great person with high standards, but not a member of my faith. Nevertheless, she’s very tolerant of what she might consider my religious ‘quirks’. Of course, most of them didn’t affect her personally, other than the ‘house rules' - most of which she lived anyway, but it still affected her environment.

In my mind, I was reminding her of that time, and of how after only about 4 months (though she tried not to show it) I could tell she was about to go crazy with all the little things that she wouldn’t have had to put up with if she had been in her own house. Then in this imaginary explanation, I listed some of those things: no alcohol, tobacco, R-rated videos, or swearing in the house. Then there were things like prayers before meals, no Sunday shopping, hiking, swimming etc., visits from missionaries, visiting teachers, home teachers, priesthood blessings, eight hours of general conference on TV, the latest ‘Mormon culture’ videos, pictures of the Savior and the Temple on the wall, talk about Mormon doctrine, Mormon culture . . .

And then in my little imaginary conversation, I stopped short!

Even now, as I write this, I’m having a hard time seeing my computer screen because my eyes are getting teary. Nowhere on the list was there mention of talk about the Savior! Yes, his picture was on the wall. Mention of him would have come up during a missionary visit, a priesthood blessing, or maybe reading the scriptures out loud with another person. But other than that, how often did I even mention the Savior?

Why? Is it because, for some of us, once we establish our beliefs, we take things for granted (“Now that’s done – we don’t have to talk about it anymore.”)? Is it because we make rules to help us follow the more important rules, then forget why the rules were made in the first place?

For me, I think a lot of it is that I have a really hard time talking about personal things. Actually, I have a really hard time, sometimes, even feeling personal things, much less making those things public. (Writing is easier, because it’s safer – I have the chance to go back and reword things, trying to make myself clear so I’m not misunderstood.) So maybe I distance myself by using formalities. I would have made a great Pharisee (remember the religious party that was so wound up in following the letter of the law that most of them didn't even recognize the Savior when he came to them).

Maybe there’s some logic and even some healthy reasoning in all of those things – to some extent. But more so, I think, I’ve let it all get out of balance to the extent that I’ve come dangerously close to missing some of the most important things in Life – and some of the opportunities to share those things with others.

Rules of Life

2006-01-18T20:45:00.000-10:00

I’ve been thinking, and I’ve decided that one of the first rules of life should be:

Break your problems down into little pieces, then handle the pieces one at a time

Of course, the next rule would have to be to prioritize the pieces, so that you’d know which ones to handle first. But even if you made some mistakes there, at least you’d be getting started. Which is more than I do sometimes when I let something overwhelm me, don’t know how to handle it, and just moan about it!

Why didn’t someone tell me this rule? That page must have been missing from my book . . .

A Nickel for a Robe – What a Buy!

2006-01-18T02:47:00.000-10:00

Many years ago, I happened to go to a library book sale where books were selling for five cents each. I don’t remember if I bought anything else, but I did come home with a copy of Lloyd C. Douglas’ book, The Robe. It sat around, untouched, for several months until a time when I happened to be down with the flu, and therefore had time to read it.

I have never read a novel that has affected my life more. Having just finished reading it again, it has again had a profound impact on me.

The story line revolves around the Roman Tribune who was put in charge of the crucifixion of the Savior, and how that affected his life. My feeling when I first read the book was, that while I had always believed in the Savior, I had only seen him from a great distance. Reading the novel, I felt, helped me to see him up close, as it were, and to come to know him better.

I would strongly recommend the book to anyone who likes to read a good novel, or anyone who has an interest in the history, philosophy, or government of that time period. Through the various discussions of the characters, these are all contrasted with the teachings of a man named Jesus.

The book is very well done. If there is anything I would criticize, it might be the 'romance' slant of the story, which seems to be a bit Hollywood-ish. But that's only a small part of the book and doesn’t detract from the spirit that is conveyed by the story. The book left me with renewed inspiration to put less emphasis on 'religion' and more on simply living as Jesus taught.

Old Woman or Young Woman . . . . . . . . . . R-Rated or Uplifting

2005-12-22T20:55:00.000-10:00

o Should you be picky about what to entertain yourself (and your family) with?

o Why worry about seeing or hearing anything objectionable - haven’t you seen or heard it all before?

o Aren't violence, sex, and crude language all just a part of real life?

§ ‘Ever seen that black and white drawing (often illustrated in psych 101 texts) that you’re sure is a picture of a beautiful young woman, until someone points out to you that, if you look at it another way, it looks like a picture of an old hag? It often comes with separate pictures of the young woman and the old hag, so you know what to look for. But it’s really the same picture; what you see usually depends on which secondary picture you’ve just looked at (i.e.: the young woman or the old hag). Similarly, we tend to see life a certain way, depending on what experiences have influenced us - where our focus is.

§ Some people like to point out, in an effort to justify the same in entertainment, that the scriptures contain many stories of violence and immorality. Victor L. Brown, Jr., in his book, Human Intimacy, responds to that thought. He points out that the difference between the movies and the Bible is that the Bible reveals the natural consequences of such actions, whereas Hollywood often portrays glamorous, unrealistic consequences (which are misleading).

o One last question: Are the scenarios left imprinted in your mind after you watch a movie, things that you want to remember because they have been an uplifting influence or . . . maybe not?

<<<<<<< >>>>>>>

2005-12-12T07:48:00.000-10:00

It’s not what happened in my past, but how I handle it in the present, that affects my future.

It's not where I am, but the direction I'm going in, that matters most.

“You’ve Convinced Me That The God, That You Don’t Believe In, Doesn’t Exist”

2005-11-28T13:11:00.000-10:00

Svoid, in his comment to ‘White-Out”, drew my attention to a very well written article, produced by a man who believes that God doesn’t exist. (There Is No God, by Penn Jillette.) I quite agree with a lot of what he wrote: he has totally convinced me that the God that he doesn’t believe in, doesn’t exist!

However, that’s not the God I believe in. I suspect that the God I believe in, actually shares a lot of Jillette’s concerns. Jillette suggests that if he believed in God, he wouldn’t have as much appreciation for life’s bounty because he’d only be looking forward to ‘heaven’ rather than enjoying the here and now, would tend to blame God for the world’s suffering rather than work to alleviate it, and wouldn’t have to try so hard to be nice, because he could just be forgiven by ‘believing’. I agree that all those things – and more – are often excused in the name of religion, but that is man’s error and not God’s.

If you consider yourself an Atheist, perhaps your current disbelief comes from your gut feeling that, what you think God is supposed to be, doesn’t make sense. And maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it’s not really God himself, that you’re fighting, but your erroneous understanding of Him. :)

[If you’re an Atheist and you’re really at peace with that, there’s no reason to go any further. However, if you consider yourself to be open-minded and you sincerely love truth and logic, I suggest you study the Bible and the Book of Mormon to find out more about who God really is. The whole truth (as opposed to parts of it, garnished with man’s imagination) will appeal to your sense of logic.]

(Non-trite) Thanksgiving Thoughts to Think About

2005-11-20T19:47:00.000-10:00

"GRATITUDE is the great equalizer of success." (It's hard to be grateful for your success and big-headed about it at the same time.)

"GRATITUDE is the essence of happiness." (How can you not be happy when you're grateful for what you have?)

"GRATITUDE is the foundation of charity." (How can you not want to share with others when you're truly grateful for what you have?)

A friend of mine was sharing some things he'd learned regarding GRATITUDE, last year during the Thanksgiving season. I almost tuned him out, sure that I'd heard it all before. However, I was surprised to find that what he had to say was anything but trite, and very profound.

Think About It

2005-11-19T05:06:00.000-10:00

"It's our thinking about our circumstances - not the circumstances themselves - that determines how we feel."

Richard Carlson

White-Out for Life

2005-11-14T07:10:00.000-10:00

One day, at work, I had made a mistake on something I had written by hand which had to be accurate, and asked a friend to pass me the White-Out. As I used it to cover up my mistake, I jokingly commented to my friend, "Too bad we don't have White-Out for life." But as soon as I said it, I stopped myself, and not so jokingly said, "Oh, I guess we do, don't we! The Savior and His Atonement."

Too often, like myself, we forget this, and waste time stressing over our mistakes as though they're fatal, and never move on - which, in a sense, makes them fatal!

Thought for the Day

2005-11-09T00:12:00.000-10:00

Expecting too much of life leads to

DEPRESSION.

Expecting too much of one’s self leads to

DESPONDENCY.

"Wit"

2005-10-20T16:56:00.000-10:00

I watched "Wit" (starring Emma Thompson) the other night. The main character, a middle aged English Professor, is diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer, and takes the viewer along on her journey through treatment. It's really quite good, but very different. It left me with a really odd feeling - like I was going to die! Of course, I am - eventually. So maybe it's just that the movie brought to the forefront that knowledge which we usually choose to ignore until it hits us in the face - when 'our time is up'.

I'm curious how other people felt about the movie.

Did I have this feeling only because the movie was so well done that I was 'sucked into' the story?
Did it hit me like it did because a part of me really knows that 'my time' is about up?
Did it make death seem so 'scary' only because it left out the element of the eternal nature of the spirit, returning to live with our Father in Heaven?
Did I only buy into the fear of death, due to Emma's masterful performance of her character's fear?

The movie was not only well done, but very unique in the way it was done. It really helps you to understand what it might be like to be dying of cancer.

It also makes you think about what is really important in this life.

Borrowed Thought

2005-10-13T23:55:00.000-10:00

Just heard a poem read on NPR this morning, a line of which I thought was worth sharing. (Sorry, I missed the name of the poem and author.) But one line went something like this:

"There are no unsacred places; only sacred places and desecrated places."

I haven't had time to think about it long enough to form a definite opinion, but off hand, it does seem like the most 'unsacred' things, are really made so by the fact that they are sacred things, misused. Which is probably why many of us are so easily deceived into thinking that 'evil'* is 'good'; our minds relate to the connection with the sacred, and overlook the fact that misusing such, desecrates.

*FYI: In my mind, the definition of 'evil' is anything which, in the long run, sets back our progression towards becoming who we really want to be. (Which to my understanding, is exactly why God gave us commandments to do, and not do, certain things; for the simple reason that he understands the long-term consequences of various choices.)

Just Testing

2005-10-11T23:15:00.000-10:00

I'll just post a thought to test this out:

It is harder to have HOPE when you're older

and have seen that the things that you’ve hoped for

haven’t come to pass . . .

Unless you also have FAITH, and

TRUST that God knows where he is leading your life

. . . even if it’s not where you thought you wanted it to go.