Revealing Conversation

I recently had a conversation with a friend, wherein dating and marriage came up. (Women talk about these things.) And as is my habit, I often dwell on a conversation, after the fact, going over it in my mind, elaborating in an effort to make myself more clear. On this occasion, in my mind I was explaining to this friend why it would not be logical for me to consider marrying someone not of my faith. The point I was trying to make was simply that it can be hard for people with different lifestyles to live together. I was using, for an example, the few months she and I had shared an apartment when she had recently finished her doctorate, I was just finishing up my master's, and we were both in the process of each looking for a house to buy.

She’s a great person with high standards, but not a member of my faith. Nevertheless, she’s very tolerant of what she might consider my religious ‘quirks’. Of course, most of them didn’t affect her personally, other than the ‘house rules' - most of which she lived anyway, but it still affected her environment.

In my mind, I was reminding her of that time, and of how after only about 4 months (though she tried not to show it) I could tell she was about to go crazy with all the little things that she wouldn’t have had to put up with if she had been in her own house. Then in this imaginary explanation, I listed some of those things: no alcohol, tobacco, R-rated videos, or swearing in the house. Then there were things like prayers before meals, no Sunday shopping, hiking, swimming etc., visits from missionaries, visiting teachers, home teachers, priesthood blessings, eight hours of general conference on TV, the latest ‘Mormon culture’ videos, pictures of the Savior and the Temple on the wall, talk about Mormon doctrine, Mormon culture . . .

And then in my little imaginary conversation, I stopped short!

Even now, as I write this, I’m having a hard time seeing my computer screen because my eyes are getting teary. Nowhere on the list was there mention of talk about the Savior! Yes, his picture was on the wall. Mention of him would have come up during a missionary visit, a priesthood blessing, or maybe reading the scriptures out loud with another person. But other than that, how often did I even mention the Savior?

Why? Is it because, for some of us, once we establish our beliefs, we take things for granted (“Now that’s done – we don’t have to talk about it anymore.”)? Is it because we make rules to help us follow the more important rules, then forget why the rules were made in the first place?

For me, I think a lot of it is that I have a really hard time talking about personal things. Actually, I have a really hard time, sometimes, even feeling personal things, much less making those things public. (Writing is easier, because it’s safer – I have the chance to go back and reword things, trying to make myself clear so I’m not misunderstood.) So maybe I distance myself by using formalities. I would have made a great Pharisee (remember the religious party that was so wound up in following the letter of the law that most of them didn't even recognize the Savior when he came to them).

Maybe there’s some logic and even some healthy reasoning in all of those things – to some extent. But more so, I think, I’ve let it all get out of balance to the extent that I’ve come dangerously close to missing some of the most important things in Life – and some of the opportunities to share those things with others.